PSLE Oral's coming soon.
Who cares as long as you have your tongue, too bad if you can't speak.
I don't care, it's just another stupid exam.
I won't feel nervous, like all other tests I've ever sat for.

I have no idea why, but lately my mother's been trying to approach me a lot.
Definitely, there must be something up her sleeve.
She even watched me do my homework, for once in my entire memory.
Something just seems fishy. I don't know, but I get this feeling that she is going to "help" me choose my secondary school, and it's certian for her to choose some elite school since she was from RGS.

I HATE ELITE SCHOOLS. I don't want to go to the elite schools which are practically fantasized by all my classmates. I don't want to see any of them again, no way am I going to spend 4 years with anyone of them in a common school again. I hate them to the core. Laughed at me for my ugliness, so disunited, such selfish people. I'm always left out, I've thought so much, but I just can't figure out why.

From my observance, elite school students always receive a variety of weird stares ranging from disgust to jealousy from passers-by. There's no way I am going to like being trapped in this type of center of attention. Anyway, elites disgusting, probably even worse than the skunks in my class. Proud, competitive, people, who only fight for themselves, individuals. They want all these ELITE recognition just for the sake of high salaries, which not all ELITES get, luckily. I just want to be a normal student from a normal neighborhood school. I will not dare to fool around for A levels, my goal is Harvard. Honestly, I want to run my own fashion boutique or wedding shop, a famous model, or a surgeon for transsexual operations.

My blog is the only place where I can rant all I want. DO YOU KNOW THE TREMENDOUS LONELINESS I HAVE TO SUFFER FROM DAY TO DAY? Nobody talks to me, and I only hope for a classmate to say a simple "hello" to me when I walk into the classroon. Days and months I waited, for this that will never happen. Everyday, I interacts with myself, just myself, or very occasionally, with my hectic mother. My loneliness is something I'll never dare to speak openly about. I pretend I'm happy, I'm pretending to enjoy my own company to everyone around, and PRETEND that I'm perhaps autistic. This pretension will never become real, I'm one who just craves for company too much. Maybe one day it's possible, when my heart dies, or when I somewhat become a stone. I tell myself it's something I have to change, but it's not that I don't take the initiative to interact, but it's them who ignore my begs for response. I've long given up on this class, I suppose. Seriously, this overwhelming loneliness is driving me mad, a centimeter away from killing someone, a meter away from commiting suicide.

It's really, very , very fortunate that in fact, I have something to look forward to now. Mom told me that she's going to get me a puppy for my birthday, a lovely one, she said. And my birthday's in two weeks' time. I am desperately looking forward to this to-be faithful companion and best friend in my life, in frantic hope that she does not change her mind.

My puppy, I promise you'll be safe with me.