Every recess, I would find the most anonymous table in the canteen to sit at.
I always chose the one at the corner, near the dustbin, where no one would usually go near to.
I wish we could be allowed to eat in the library, or the benches between classrooms. So that I could seclude myself comfortably, without other disturbing sounds around.

Every recess, I would drag my feet across the ground unwillingly to the canteen to fill my grunting stomach. There was no one at home to prepare food for me, I had to queue.
That was not the worst part, the worst part was walking across dozens of filled table and settling in a spacious yet dirty table, having to endure the cacophony of chit-chats prevailing the entire canteen.

And I Why I I had to be alone.
I longed to be part of them, no matter how much effort I put in, I just wasn't gifted with the basic quality of fitting in. Nobody wants me. People barely speaks to me. Every recess, my mood was similar, that same feeling of emptiness, low self-esteem, jealousy, all the negative thoughts would only run repetitively through my head. The worse my mood is, the more food I tend to gobble down to force my tears to retreat. Every recess, I can never control my food intake, 3 bowls of stapler food is my least intake. And then, I'd start eating tidbits and other food to fill the gaps between my stomach.

Recently, I walked around the school compound rounds and rounds, alone. That was when I realise the existence of a hidden bench in the garden. Few people ever crossed this area. I started taking my food there to eat secretly. Nobody would knew.
Yes, I am safe. There, there is little noise, the cacophony would barely be heard here.
So was my pressure reduced. Here, I feel much more secure. Since there is no other visible human figures, I always imagine I owned the world here. In other words, this small Eco-garden was my escape from reality.


Starting from half a year a ago, I discovered the most amazing way of slimming down.
They call it bulimia, what a horrible idiotic name; I call it my secret formula.
I could never stop myself from eating.
That day, half year ago, I was so angry with myself that I decided that I had to expel everything out. I was so young I didn't know how and where to buy laxatives from. I decided to throw up everything. Hidden in a cubicle, I was nervously fretting over my food that has already started being digested. I remembered how the toothbrush made me choke feel nauseous.
I did the same, this time, however, with my fingers.
I slid my fingers into my throat slowly. I was getting that disgusted feeling. I gulped. And then I stuck my fingers in deeper. My tongue stretched out of my mouth. Just as my finger slipped in a little deeper, the tension built up fully and I splashed the disgusting chyme all over the toilet bowl. I paused, before bursting into another session of food-expelling. Toilet water splashed into my face. EEEEeek. The disgusting food particles were mostly yellowish, orange and green in colour, in a thick mixture. The stench was a little pungent, but I liked it anyway. The aftermaths of the vomiting left my nose and back of the cavity numb and swollen. But I liked the sourish, acidic and hot feeling. WHoa! I puked out all my food! I could take in any amount I want, and I could get rid of them nearly as easy as how I took them in!
I was happy, I thought.

For the next half of the year, I had been doing it quite a number of times. That explains my satisfying weight of 42kg from my shameful 60kg before.

Everyone should try it. I believe it's perfectly healthy.